Memories From Before
In the past, we would sometimes eat out, eat away from home. It was something you could do by yourself, or with another person, or even a group. There were many different kinds of places to do this. We called them restaurants, they were one kind of place. Bars served mostly liquor and beer, but some of them served food, too. Cafés were another. And there were also places, in America at least, called “Diners” or “Coffee Shops.” They were less formal. You would sit at a table (or at a counter, on a stool), and a server would bring you a menu. You could choose what to eat, ask for it, and the server, or waiter, or waitress, they would tell the cook in the kitchen, or the chef—if it were a fancy restaurant—what you wanted to eat, and they would make it in the kitchen, and then the waiter brought it to your table. And if you were with someone, you could talk to him or her or them, or listen to them talk, while you were waiting for your food or maybe having a slice of bread with butter, or a roll, while you drank your wine or soda. Then the food would come and you would eat it, together if you were with someone, or alone, if you were by yourself. If you were by yourself, you could sit quietly, eating with small bites, not making noise, keeping as still as you could. While you listened to the people at the next table. This was something I heard, one time, back then, when we ate out.
— Robert Moulthrop.
No Onions
You’re wondering about the onions, I can tell. I mean, I would be, too, if I were sitting where you’re sitting, watching me across the table. But of course, if I were sitting where you’re sitting, then I could see around the room. The Ivy’s wonderful at lunchtime, don’t you think? I always bring my clients here, they enjoy it so, seeing everyone, even if they don’t know who everyone is. I mean, I could sit where you’re sitting, against the wall, able to look out, but then there I’d be, spotting someone famous, waving, and you’d have to turn around and look, so awkward. This way, with me just sitting here, focused on you, it’s perfect, two women, having lunch, and you can just ask me if you see someone you know, ask me about the PR I’ve done for them, because I have, of course, pretty much done everything for everyone. Pre-Oscars parties, post-Oscars press, book tie-ins, just ask anyone. I’ll give you a list before we leave. Well, after we leave, actually, a kind of follow-up. Give me time to laser in on what you really need.
Need is something, isn’t it? We all have needs. Like the onions. I love onions. My grandmother used to say I love cabbage, but it doesn’t love me. But onions, that’s not the same. With me.
Who is that? Should I turn around? Is it…? Is she…? Is she with…? Never mind. They’re always quick, in and out, whoever they are. They never really eat, you know. At least not in public. I think they just come here as part of their contract. I mean, I don’t think, I know. I know they do. And they never eat onions, of course. They’re always on to somewhere, and always worried they’re going to breathe on someone, create a stir, create a stink… did I say that? That’s a joke, right?
So, you have a book and you want me to get you some ink on it. I have to tell you, books are death. Reading is over. But you, I think I can work with you. I just look in your eyes, and I can tell. How is that spinach salad? That piece of egg looks scrumptious. You don’t mind, do you? Just with a little bit of bacon? Watching carbs, you know. So difficult. Have to watch everything these days.
Like the onions. It’s just that…well, you look like someone I can trust. Your eyes. I’m sure everyone tells you that your eyes are marvelous. And your book, I read the coverage, so I know you have this tremendous truth-laser. No BS, right? I mean, I’m reading the whole book tonight, that’s a promise. I’m a tremendous reader. Read everything. Ooops, but not tonight. That’s me being honest. See? I could have said I’d read it tonight. But I’m not, I can’t. See, it’s about the onions.
Late lunch with you, here. Which is delicious, isn’t it? Even without the onions. And then I’m off to Euphoria for a facial, at least. Maybe more. Nails, I think, too. A woman’s hands can be her best feature. Because, you see, I have a date tonight. I know, sounds like a “so what” moment, I agree. Except that this is the first. In a long time. Years. Actually.
It takes a while, doesn’t it? Did you ever date? I mean, have to get back into it? Your book’s about something completely different, I know. Except that women, we can tell, can’t we? I look into those eyes of yours, and I know that whatever else, we’re going to be great friends. But you didn’t come here to listen to me babble on about dating and men and problems and such. You want to know what I can do for your book. And let me tell you, it’s plenty. I know you’re going to be amazed when I send you my proposal. Which I will do, first thing tomorrow. That’s a promise. I can’t, of course, get to it right now. I mean, we’re here eating lunch, aren’t we? And then I have the spa, and then the date.
I’m really nervous, can you tell? Men. You can’t live with ‘em and you can’t shoot ‘em. Not that I’m violent. No. Absolutely not. The exact opposite, if anything. But men, of course, well, they all seem to expect things to go a certain way, expect to do things a certain way. Men are just like that, aren’t they? And if you don’t get it absolutely right, well then, they… Well, you know, I’m sure. You’re experienced, a woman of the world. But here I am, hope springing eternally, if you know what I mean. This one … well, you can’t tell from online, you know. But this is through this new service, Matchez. Really clever. And he looks like a man who, all he needs, you know, is someone to just make things right for him without a lot of fuss. And that’s me? I just love getting things right. That’s one of my strengths. Any of my clients will tell you. “Make it sparkle, get it right.” That’s me. And this one – well, he has those ice blue eyes that are just so… dreamy is the only word. And I think he’s tall. You can’t tell from the picture, really. But his profile says he’s tall. My other, others, they were tall, too. Something about a tall man. But then things don’t work out. And all of a sudden it’s years later. And you know what years are in this town – like an eternity, actually. And then there you are, online, looking, and he looks perfect, so you’re meeting for the first time, and you want everything to be perfect. Because…
So. No onions. And then the spa, and I’ve got this terrific outfit, we’re going to that new place out in Santa Monica, and then … who knows?
And then tomorrow, first thing, I’m back at it, right in there, best program for the best book, it’ll be great. We’ll have such a good time working together. I just know it. I can see it in your eyes.
So. Now. Tell me about you.