MAN,  25-40

GIRL, 21

A room with two chairs and a table. 

The MAN is standing.  The GIRL is seated

MAN

So, let’s start with something simple.  Name?  (Pause.) Come on, this isn’t difficult.  I mean, it shouldn’t be, should it?  Not as if I asked you for the secrets of the universe.  Or why the grass is green and not orange.  Or where the carp go in winter when the pond freezes over at the Japanese Tea Garden.

GIRL

Susan.

MAN

And?

GIRL

And nothing.  Just Susan.

MAN

Uh huh.  Any other names?

GIRL

I don’t think so.

MAN

(Writing . . .) Doesn’t think . . . No Miranda?  Sassafras?  Weltanschauung?  Dormendorosa?

GIRL

No.

MAN

Adrienne?  Samantha?

GIRL

Just Susan

MAN

So, Just Susan, is there a last name to go along with Just Susan?

GIRL

Yes.  (Pause.)  Smith.

MAN

(Pause. Looks at papers.)  So strange.  Strange, but true.  Who would believe Susan Smith, sitting right here, in my very own . . . room.  Finally.

GIRL

What do you mean, “finally?”

MAN

Well, you’ve been out there a long time.  Three years, give or take.

GIRL

I’ll take, I think.

MAN

Don’t get cute.  You have no business being cute.  Cute’s going to get you even deeper.  Do you want to go deeper, Susan?  Is the deep end where you lust to be?  Flailing about in murky depths, wondering where your next breath is coming from? (Pause.)  I didn’t think so.  (Pause.)  Three years.  Just had a birthday, I see.

GIRL

Yes.

MAN

Was it swell?  Were there presents?  Was there cake?  Butter cream frosting?  A candle or two?  How many candles were there, Susan?  Looks to me, from everything here, from everything in this file, as if there should have been twenty-one.  Take quite a big breath to blow out all those candles, all twenty-one.  Did you take a big breath, Susan?  Susan Smith?

GIRL

Yes, actually.

MAN

Good.  Important to know you’ve got a lot of breath, you’ll be needing it.

GIRL

Needing it?

MAN

Didn’t your grandmother ever tell you?  Save your breath to cool your porridge?  You’ll be eating a lot of porridge, Susan.  Some’ll be too hot.  Some’ll be too cold.  I wonder whether any of it will be just right.

GIRL

Why am I here?

MAN

Ah, the eternal question.  Why are we here?  Why is anyone of us here?  To fear God, to do good, to be a good citizen.  Anything else? (Pause.)  I said, anything else?

GIRL

No.

MAN

Ah.  Well then.  Which raises the question, what are you doing here?  Why would a girl like you, a nice girl like you, a Susan Smith sort of girl find herself alone in a room with someone like me?  Only one possible answer, really, isn’t there?  (Pause.) Likes, Susan smith.  Prevarication.  So sad, a nice young girl like you.  Why you don’t look a day over eighteen.

GIRL

Lies?

MAN

So strange, isn’t it, the web of circumstance, that extraordinary, convoluted conjunction that threads its way, setting unintentional traps for the unwary.  Are you wary, Susan Smith, or un?

GIRL

I . . .

MAN

Before you answer, what’s your relationship to Sarah Brown?

GIRL

Sarah’s my friend.  My best friend.

MAN

And is your best friend, Sarah Brown, truthful?

GIRL

I guess so.

MAN

Well, she isn’t here, is she/  so she must be, mustn’t she?  If she was a liar, where do you suppose she’d be?

(Pause)

GIRL

Here.

MAN

Where you are.  Right.  At least we both understand why you’re here.  So, if Sarah told us something about you, that something would be true then.

GIRL

Yes.

MAN

So, the books are true and the cell phone is true and the business about your identity card is true.  (Pause.)  It’s all true, isn’t it?

GIRL

I don’t know.

MAN

No, you don’t, do you, know anything, do you, because, if you did, you would have known, would have understood the consequences of your perfidy and would not, I assume, have undertaken it.  Now, let’s start with something simple.  How old are you?

GIRL

Twenty-one.

MAN

How old are you?

GIRL

Twenty-one.

MAN

How old are you?

(Pause.)

GIRL

Eighteen.  How did you . . .?

MAN

This is today.  You can’t fool any of the people any of the time.

GIRL

Did Sarah . . .?

MAN

No.  Not at first.  No harm in your knowing, now that you’re here.  Useful, actually.  It was the books.  So much easier these days, libraries, bookstores, so compliant.  Little Women.  Sylvia Plath.  The Vagina Monologues.  Oh, Susan.

GIRL

Is Sarah . . .?

MAN

Sarah’s fine.  Sarah’s a champ.  Sarah has a future.  You could have a future, Susan.

GIRL

It’s not a crime.  Lying about your age.  People do it all the time.  Kids do it, to get into bars.  People do it.  Old people say they’re younger to get dates.  People say all kinds of things.  Make up where they went to school to get a job.  It’s not a crime.

MAN

Did you make up a school?  Did you go into a bar?  You have the books.  You called Sarah on your cell phone from a bar.  Did you lie to your other friends, too?  Those people who make up schools they went to, what books do they read?

GIRL

I don’t know.  I mean, I don’t know any people who, like, lie on their resumes or anything.

MAN

I see.  Well, then, since you don’t know any people like that, I think we should get to know you a little better.  Let’s start over.  You said your name was Susan.  Are you sure?  What’s your name?

BLACKOUT